I've always had a problem starting a diary...the idea of empty pages is daunting...challenging...I thought an online blog would be much easier but once again I was wrong. I guess I should start off by telling you all about myself. I'm a 21 year old woman from Southern California. A year ago I would have been categorized "Blonde Bombshell," what's happen since then you may ask? Don't get me wrong my looks are still there but instead of a size 7 I'm a size 12. I'm not fat by any means but I'm alot more curvy and now I have a son that means the world to me.I'm slowly trying to take the extra weight off but it takes time and I know I will never be a 7 again, my ass is fuller my tits are bigger and my hips are curvier. I don't hate my body by any means, but I do wish to get it back to the way I was.
Anyways, a lot of people may say that I am young because I am only 21 but I can assure you that I am mature beyond my age for the simple fact that certain things have happened in my life that made me grow up real quick. I guess that's why I have such a hard exterior. I let no one in because I KNOW they will hurt me in some way, shape or form. Which is why the admission of being submissive is more then a little tough for me to swallow. How do I know I am submissive you may ask? I don't just want to be dominated, I crave it. I crave having my Master tell his slave what to do. I crave having someone possess me completely. To know my master will never let me go because I am his possession and his only. I am here to serve him in the bedroom. But I don't want any dominant I want a Dominant that knows that he can't have me just because I am submissive, he has to prove he is worthy of my submission. He has to know that even though I am submissive in the bedroom I am not outside of it. Although Dressing for him in what he wishes me to wear to dinner or elsewhere, Doing certain things outside of the bedroom is exciting as well but sexually I need to be dominated, in my life, I do not. I need a partner. A dominant such as this is not easy to find and the only ones I have met just want to tie me up and fuck me or cause me pain. Don't get me wrong being tied up and blindfolded at the mercy of your master is one of the most erotic things to experience, as is pain. Being spanked as a punishment for disobeying your master, or simply because your master wishes to see his mark upon you is a very erotic thing, but only if done at the right hand. I guess it's just another part of my so great life.
Although I have no doubt that I am submissive, I am trapped, I don't know what or even how to go about finding that type of Master, a master that anticipates and knows deep down what i want, what i crave, before I myself have even come to the realization. I'm sexually and mentally frustrated. And at a loss on how to go about this. It no longer satisfies me to have wimpy guys taking me to dinner or w/e just to get a taste of my pussy. There pathetic attempts at pleasing me. I am tired of it all, am I truly fated to live this life alone?
*Sigh* I guess we shall see
